Calming your inner critic
Well there's a lovely question for a Monday morning, right?
Except here's the thing, I didn't come up with this question myself. I mean, sure, it's certainly crossed my mind before. But in this particular instance, I happen to know I'm not the only one who's ever asked myself this question.
How do I know this, exactly? Well, because of this strange and tender little club in fact.
How we learned to actually answer our phones
As many of you know, Honor and I have spent the last few months chatting on the phone with many, many Big Feels Clubbers. We've lost track, but we reckon we've reached about 70 hours of call time so far, and counting.
Holy feelings! That's a lot of talking!
Why have we subjected ourselves - two proud members of the 'text me don't call me' generation - to this rather overwhelming task?
Because, for two years we've been putting this wee newsletter out into the world (not to mention various other experiments like our podcasts and meet-ups and online discussions) and it's become this kind of Great Big Feelings Gateway. So many of y'all - from across almost every continent - have told us about what our stuff means for you. And you've also told us, 'this life + feelings thing is still really hard hey!?'
To which we had two distinct responses. 'I KNOW RIGHT???' but also, 'hey, we know a thing or two about feelings.. I wonder if we could help with that, more than we already do?'
That's why we've been talking to so many of y'all, asking you nosy questions like, 'what do you wish already existed, to help make life as a sensitive cat just a little bit easier?'
"My life is good on paper. But I feel like a total failure."
Time and again in these 70+ hours of phone chats, we've heard so many of you say something like: 'my life is good on paper. But I feel like a total, fucking failure. And it makes. No. Sense.'
And the thing is? We know this feeling ourselves. All too well in fact. So the question becomes, what can we do about that? As a club that's exclusively for people who are convinced they are cocking life right up, what could we make to help us each deal with all this rampant self-criticism?
(Because we can't *all* be the worst person in the world. Right? Guys??)
To those of y'all we've spoken to already, thanks for being such a goddamn joy to talk to. (And for picking up your phones, even when you weren't always sure who was calling.) Thanks also to everyone who's done one of our many surveys in recent months. It all genuinely helps.
We've been swimming in your feedback for the last few weeks. Collating our various ideas and hunches and rampant self-doubt about our ability to ever make anything of value to anyone.
(So, you know, the usual process?)
But. . . We're now getting very close to a first prototype of what we're going to make next. (Thank god! There's only so much butcher's paper brainstorming we can take!)
And the funny thing? We think we're actually going to make something good! Not least because we've had the chance to build it with y'all. Watch this newsletter in the coming weeks to be the first to know when we have something (tender, new, and very prototype-y) to show ya :)))
In the meantime, some additional reading on this 'yeah but am I the worst tho??' topic
While we keep on tinkering away with this mystery product, here's a couple of pieces from the feelings archives to tide you over.
First up, this piece from over on our website, all about why you often feel like you're just about to be 'found out' - and you don't even know what for. Here's a taster:
The thing about self-worth is, it’s a team effort. You need positive connections with other people in order to feel like a worthy human. So while you might refer to it as *your* self-worth, it doesn’t really belong to you at all.
This has some implications for us sensitive cats. If you’re struggling to like yourself, it’s easy to start seeing the other people in your life in a particular way. Rather than see them as fellow messy humans, you see them as gatekeepers – keepers of the keys of your self-esteem.
For me, at an everyday level, this means my social interactions become less about connecting with people, and more about protecting my already-battered sense of self. All of which can leave you feeling even more on edge.
How to handle a bad day
And for when those shamey self-judgey feels get all spirall-ey... This piece from last issue got a huge amount of positive feedback. It's about three practical things you can try if you're having one of those awful days. In case you missed it, here's a taster:
I woke up a few weeks back, feeling awful.
I can’t even remember why. But I can remember how it felt.
Like I had no emotional skin between me and the sharp lines of the world. Like my guts and heart were one clenched fist. Like my soul had emptied out overnight while I’d slept - the plug strewn hastily on the floor.
This was not a ‘tend to my regular to do list’ sort of day.
But neither was it a day to stay home feeling progressively more uncomfortable. I wanted to get up and do *something*. I just had absolutely no idea what that something might be.
