Why crazy people don't get a last name on TV
**This week, a story of something that hit a big feelings nerve I didn't know I still had. Hold on to the end for some very exciting Big Feels news, promise!**
Dear Feelers, as you know, I talk about my own big, messy life stuff for a living. It’s the thing I am best at. People tell me I put words to what’s happening in their heads, in ways they’d never thought of before.
But that doesn’t mean everyone always get what I’m on about.
I got asked to be on TV recently - a panel discussion show, hosted by British health journalist Michael Mosley, he of the 5:2 diet fame. The show would be about mental health, and feature a mix of health professionals and people with their own first-hand experience of going off the deep end.
To hear the producers tell it, I was to be a kind of intermediary - someone who’s worked in mental health for more than a decade, but who’s also got the first-hand big feels credentials. Sign me up!
The show's host Michael Mosley. A very nice chap.
As soon as I got there for the taping, I knew that wasn’t quite how it would play out. One of the other people who was meant to bring a solely personal perspective had pulled out. My gut told me I’d be shoe-horned into that role, to make up numbers. And sure enough, as the cameras rolled, the only questions I got were about my own personal stuff, not my years of working in the mental health system, or setting up this strange globe-trotting little club of ours.
And the truth is, that didn’t really bother me. I know that TV panel discussions are always limited, and I’m well-practiced at telling the story of what goes on in my own head. I figured it would still be a fresher perspective than the usual ‘I was struggling, I asked for help, now I’m better’ fare we get on shows like these.
So the taping went fine. The other panelists were lovely, the crew were respectful.
What pissed me off happened two months later, when the show came out just this week. I’m watching the panel discussion unfold. Everyone comes off well. But I notice something weird.
All the other guests have title cards come up, with their full name, and their job. Like ‘psychologist’, or ‘GP’.
I don’t get a title, despite asking to be billed as ‘Co-founder, Big Feels Club’. But what really gets me? I don’t even get a last name. I’m just “Graham”. Like I’m one of those mega-celebs who transcends surname status. Like Cher. Or LeBron. Or Bodie.
Or more likely, it’s like I’m just not on the same level as these other professionals. And anyway, why would anyone viewing the show want to know my last name so they could seek out my work?
I'd have gone with just "Panther", given the choice
I’ve spent my entire professional career in mental health. I’ve set up and evaluated dozens of services across Australia and New Zealand. I’ve advised governments on policy and system design. I’ve even been published in one of the world’s most prestigious psychiatric journals (still not entirely sure how that happened!). And I’ve helped found this club of ours that is slowly but radically changing the way people talk about big feelings.
In short, I think I’ve earned at least a few stripes. But not a last name apparently.
AND MY LAST NAME IS THE COOLEST THING ABOUT ME!!!
*Ahem*
And ok, I get it. The decision to bill me semi-anonymously (despite me requesting otherwise) would have come out of some misguided attempt at protecting my privacy. The generous interpretation is it was an innocent misunderstanding.
Some people will want anonymity. But the assumption of anonymity simply reinforces the very stigma it is intended to avoid.
Beyond that, this whole thing reminded me of something I’d managed to forget. It doesn’t matter how many projects I work on that help change people’s lives. If my main identifier is ‘crazy pants’, then in a setting like this, just like in the mental health system, that is still considered the most important thing about me. To the exclusion of all other aspects of myself, even my name.
I want that to change.
Partly there’s a lesson for me to learn here. I can try to better navigate the reality of mainstream media, which inevitably needs to fit you in one box, not two.
But then there’s the bigger stuff that needs to change, our whole way of thinking about what it means to be an expert in big feelings. The only way I know how to change *that* is to keep nudging things along. To keep oversharing on the internet and hoping that, somehow, somewhere, enough people will get what I’m trying to say, even as the well-meaning-powers-that-be keep reminding us that whatever us sensitive cats say isn’t *quiiite* on the same footing as the *real* experts.
And in truth, we’re not that far away I don’t think. For one, despite the naming thing, this show is actually pretty good! The other professionals on the panel are open-minded, and refreshingly honest. There was some great stuff left on the cutting room floor, but it’s a good discussion that goes way beyond 'just ask for help and take your meds'.
To see a living, breathing me plus a handful of other good humans doing their best to unpack a big, gooey topic in the inevitably boxed-in confines of a TV panel, click on this wee button here (and apologies in advance if it's geo-blocked outside Australia, which I hope it's not!).
And one other thing worth mentioning here. These sorts of TV appearances and radio stints that we and our fellow advocate-y type people do are not paid gigs. We do ‘em because we we think they need doing. If you find personal value in seeing people like me and Honor talk about our big messy stuff in uncomfortable situations like brightly-lit TV studios, consider throwing a few bucks our way by becoming an official, card-carrying member of the Big Feels Club. You’ll help support all the work we do, plus you’ll even get an actual card! Read more here.
Okay enough of all that. Time for the exciting news! We’re planning the next Big Feels event!
You heard right people, it’s time for another Big Feels get-together! And this time we have a very special guest...
Those of you who listened as far as episode 6 of No Feeling Is Final will be familiar with this guest. He has a delightful Mancunian accent, and a self-professed predilection for cake. More importantly, his wise words and big heart helped Honor and me through a particularly dark time last year.
Gareth Edwards is the author of The Procrastinator’s Guide to Killing Yourself (as featured in this issue of the newsletter from last year). He’s also an infectiously cheerful human, with many mind-bending ideas about how we sensitive cats can make a good life for ourselves amidst all the noise.
We’re still designing the event, but it’ll be something like, ‘What the fuck am I supposed to be doing with my life, Gareth?’ - an interactive meet-up hosted by Honor, Gareth, and moi.
It’ll be in Melbourne in early May, and we’ll have online options too. Since Gareth’s gotta get here all the way from Nelson, NZ, we’ll charge a fee for this one. Something in the $20 to $30 range, with discounts for card-carrying members.
More details to come, but first, a straw poll to gauge interest levels. Please click one (or none):
I would totally come to the Melbourne event!
OR
I can’t come in person, but I would listen to a recording or livestream!
And if you have connections with any organisations (like city councils, or libraries) that might be keen to bring this traveling show elsewhere (or even if you just have great enthusiasm for making that happen) hit reply and tell me :)))
